


I Gripped You Tight

by peanutbutter4lyfe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Top!Cas, Torture, Wing Kink, Wings, bottom!Dean, destiel smut, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-05 07:55:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 17,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4171962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peanutbutter4lyfe/pseuds/peanutbutter4lyfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel feels drawn to Dean and goes to great lengths in his effort to make contact with him. While Dean thinks he is being stalked by a demon and tries to summon it to kill it. When they finally meet sparks fly, quite literally. But Castiel gets in trouble for pursuing a human and is tortured in an effort to make him see the error of his ways, Dean is made to watch. </p><p>Lots of angst and hurt but don't worry there is much comfort afterwards to make up for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at fan fiction. I just kinda went with what was flowing out of my head.
> 
> I have based this around season 4, but decided to include other characters like Gabriel and Balthazar because they are awesome. I also added another angel into the mix that isn't part of the show.
> 
> I do not own any of the SPN characters or season 4 content, I just like to play :)
> 
> Beta'd by yohlenyaoilover

Castiel

When Castiel gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition a bond was formed which was not expecting. He knew he shouldn't but Castiel touched Dean's soul, it shone so brightly, impossibly so after his ordeal in hell. He was overwhelmingly drawn to it. Touching it was a mistake though, Castiel realised, and as soon as he laid his hands on it he knew. When he pulled his hand away he instantly felt the loss.

He was supposed to do his job then leave, having been entrusted with this highly important task. Give Dean life, bring him back so he and Sam could fulfil their destiny, then return to his brothers and sisters in heaven. He didn't.... couldn't.... he snuck private moments to keep an eye on Dean, to watch him. Beautiful, breath-taking Dean.

What was happening to him? Angels don't obsess over mere humans... they don't obsess at all. Yet here he was peering into the simple life of a human and wishing he could be a part of it.

He knew he shouldn't but he tried to make contact which ended up levelling a petrol station, which should have been warning enough that this was a terrible idea. He knew he should stop but he couldn't. There was a need in him. He needed contact, anything. He was becoming desperate. Another thing angels don't do, don't feel. Angels aren't supposed to feel at all. It is making him edgy and unsure of himself.

Gabriel warned him to let Dean be, reminding him it was not right for an Angel to pursue a human like this. What was wrong with him? Of course Gabriel would know what he was doing, he was his closest brother along with Balthazar.

Gabriel remembered all the times over the years that Castiel went against the grain but this was huge, however Castiel was his dearest brother so going against his better judgement he swore to keep his secret. A secret that could get Castiel banished from heaven or worse if the likes of Uriel or Michael found out.

Having been warned, Castiel tried to stay away but his skin itched and he felt an ache in his wings the longer it went between seeing the human. Well the glimpses he was able to get. An angel doesn't feel emotions like a human does... well they aren't supposed to. The closest things angels have to emotions are sensations in their wings, which are incredibly sensitive especially to touch.

An angel's wings are their only distinguishing feature when they don't have a vessel. Castiel used to have bright, searing white wings, now though they are midnight black since his trip into hell to rescue a soul. The most beautiful soul he has ever seen.

The black wings are a constant reminder of Dean, as if a part of Dean's soul is now imprinted there. His brothers and sisters stare because angels rarely have black wings. Gabriel's wings are gold and most others are white or grey/blue. But never black.

He attempted to contact Dean again hoping he was somehow special or chosen and would be able to hear him, see him, anything... without the usual burning eyes and searing pain. His attempts just left more damage behind, but something must have worked because Dean started to show an interest.

With his brother's help Dean began to try and find his own way of contacting him. Castiel's wings bristled with excitement at the thought. Dean wanted to find him too!

Dean

Dean wants to know what is seeking him out and destroy it before it destroys him.

It has been a really freakin' weird few weeks. One minute he is Alistair's bitch in hell the next he is clawing his way out of his own grave. He has this red handprint shaped scar on his arm... god knows where that came from. He hasn't shown that to Sam yet due to having nothing but questions thrown at him since he got back. He has no answers. Bobby even tried shooting him... great home coming that was.

To top it all off he feels like he is being watched. He gets this excruciating pain in his head that feels like shards of glass piercing his skull, then nothing. Emptiness. It’s screwing with his head. Things keep blowing up around him... what if something from hell followed him back? His first thought as always... he needs to protect Sammy.

Dean finds himself standing in front of a mirror staring at the hand print. He moves his fingertips towards it slowly. For some reason his heart begins to race. He brushes his fingers across the palm print and pulls his hand away at the sensation as if he had been burned, his mind flashing with forgotten, buried memories.

The sound of wings, strong arms and dazzling light. Then it's gone as quick as it came. He is breathing heavily and there is a sheen of sweat over his body. What is happening to him? Is this him... panicking? He is Dean damn Winchester, he doesn't do panic, he fights.

So here they are researching what has been stalking him... well Sam is researching. Dean has a book open and trying to decipher some other language with very little success. He is hungry and all he can think about is pie... apple pie... fresh... and... warm... and... His mind continues to wonder when Sam slams his hand down in frustration. Dean startles back to reality.

''Son of a bitch, you'll give me a heart attack one of these days.''

''Sorry Dean, but we're no closer to figuring this out. It doesn't seem possible that anything followed you back from... you know.'' Sam doesn't like thinking about Dean in hell. He can't even say the word out loud.

''We don't even know how you got out. Hey, you sure you're okay man? You seem pretty spaced out.'' Sam said looking concerned.

''I'm fine Sammy, I'm alive aren't I? I'll feel a lot better when I know what is stalking my arse and kill it.''

''I'm calling Bobby.''

Sam came off the phone moments later with news of a witch that Bobby thinks could summon this thing.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean

Dean is sitting between the witch and Sam, glancing at Bobby whose across from him. They are all holding hands. Man does he feel stupid. It starts to get real awkward as the silence stretches, then the witch speaks.

''To summon your mystery monster I will need to touch something it has touched.'' She reaches over.

''Whao! He didn't touch me there!'' Dean says as he jerks away from her roaming hands, knocking the table with his leg.

She totally just made a grab for his junk. Seriously?! Can this get any more weird? He gives the witch a sideways glare as he begins to remove the left sleeve of his over shirt. Next he makes a grab to roll up his T-shirt sleeve, but hesitates.

Part of him doesn't want the others to see, the hand print suddenly feels warm and his heart flutters. Something in him wants to keep it private. It suddenly feels too intimate to show anyone... what the hell man?! With that he wrenches the sleeve up to reveal it.

He sees Sam and Bobby exchange a look of concern and feels an overwhelming urge to protest that look and defend the mark. Before his thoughts can become words Sam reaches for his hand to re-join the circle.

The witch covers the hand print with hers. It unsettles him. It feels wrong. He wants to shove her hand away. He glances around at Sam and Bobby, glad they can't read his thoughts. What is going on with him?

' _The faster they summon this thing the better_ ,' he thinks.

The witch interrupts his thoughts by beginning the summoning ritual. His pulse quickens... he feels... excited... he can't hold back the feeling of nervous anticipation. What is that all about? The only time he ever felt like that is on a first date or something, not before he was about to kill a demon.

This entire situation is giving him the creeps. Dammit he needs this thing dead already...he then tries to ignore the protest in his mind at that thought.

The witch begins to chant in a booming voice, a bit stereotypical Dean thought, but he went with it.

''I invoke, conjure and command you to appear before this circle.''

The witch then repeats, getting louder and more commanding with each chant of the summoning words.

Dean realises he has closed his eyes and takes a peek out of the corner of one eye. The witch looks strained and seems to be talking to the demon.

She calls it Castiel...

Castiel

Castiel feels a presence growing in his head. Its touch is light at first but he knows it's there. It begins to feel like a knocking in his mind. Something is trying to summon him... a human is trying to summon _him_ , but a human cannot perceive his true visage or hear his true voice. This can only end badly. Castiel cautiously approaches the presence so as to warn them off.

''I am Castiel, please you must stop now. You do not wish to do this.''

He senses a woman... a witch, then senses three others. Dean! Dean is trying to make contact. He feels pulled towards the presence now and it isn't because of the summoning ritual. He mentally takes a step towards the tentative link. He knows he shouldn't do this but the thought of Dean drives him forward. He pours his strength into the connection, hoping the witch can contain him.

He sees it then... the four of them in a circle of joined hands. He sees Dean, as breath-taking as he remembers. _His_ Dean. There are candles in the centre of the table, they ignite and flame above their heads. Now would be a good time to sever the link... but Dean.

So he tries to communicate but hears the witch scream and he knows he has gone too far. This woman is not a vessel. He can no longer see the occupants of the room, just darkness. Castiel mentally turns and runs from the presence but he is too late.

How could he be so foolish... so selfish? Her eyes! What has he done?!

He falls to his knees. Gabriel is instantly by his side. Big gold wings wrapping him up.

''What have you _done_ brother? What have you done?''

Castiel sinks into Gabriel's embrace and feels lost. He aches for Dean and he doesn't understand why. He put a human at risk and burnt out her eyes just at a chance to speak with him, to see him.

He will listen to Gabriel's advice and leave Dean be. He cannot put others at risk anymore for this strange obsession. He needs to get control of himself. He is an Angel Of The Lord! He repeats this like a mantra as he feels wetness leak from his eyes and streak down his cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean

He can't get the sight of the woman's burnt eyes out of his mind. Before leaving her he made a promise to her that he would find this thing and kill it.

It took weeks to gather all the necessary ingredients for the summoning spell that Bobby thinks will work. It took an entire day to paint all of the sigils and wards onto the walls, ceiling and floor of the barn. No demon is getting out of here once it's summoned.

Bobby performs the ritual and then they wait... nothing.

Dean can't shake the feeling of unease. The tighter he grips the demon blade the more the hand print burns. The more he thinks about killing this thing the more his stomach churns.

Winchesters don't get nervous about killing demons, it's their life. So why does he feel like this? It’s like when he didn't want to show anyone the hand print. Since being dragged out of hell and back to life his body and feelings have been totally off.

The roof beginning to rattle shakes him from his thoughts. He looks at Bobby who meets his gaze with a 'you ready for this boy?' kind of look. They both pick up shot guns and face the centre of the barn.

The rumbling and rattling increases. The entire barn shakes and he can feel power building in the air. Whatever this thing is, it's bigger than anything they have faced before.

He takes a deep breath to steady himself. His stupid heart is doing that fluttery thing again.

Castiel

Castiel practically buzzed with joy when he was told he and Uriel were being sent on a mission to earth. Although he thinks, and hopes, he hid his excitement well enough.

He spent the next few weeks trying to banish those burning eyes from his mind and began his search for a vessel. Jimmy Novak turned out to be just the man. He was a man of faith and with a little persuading, which may have included some divine intervention, he consented to accept him.

Castiel fiddled with the tie and shrugged into the trench coat he found as he left Jimmy's house. He took in a deep breath testing out how his energy felt within the confines of a human body. He also had to remember to keep his wings hidden. It was surprising how much energy that consumed.

As he stood staring at earth from ground level he felt a tugging feeling. A summoning... Dean.

The spell wasn't the kind strong enough to bring him there involuntarily, as some can. He got the location from the pulling sensation and materialized outside the doors of a barn, this caused his energy to spike and the roof of the barn began to rattle. He needed to get used to controlling his energy from inside this human. The barn doors crash open in front of him.

' _Summonings are so dramatic,_ ' he thought.

He sees two people at the far side but only one matters. It seems everything starts to move in slow motion the moment he lays eyes on those emerald green ones. He strides forward and his heart begins to race.

In the excitement of the moment, as he walks towards this human, he feels electricity run through his veins. It takes shape in the air and sparks fly, the lighting above bursts and glass rains down. He barely notices. All he sees is Dean, his Dean.

Dean

The barn doors burst open. The instant he sees the thing... the man... that walks in he feels a warmth beginning to pool low in his belly. He gets the sensation of wings flapping and the hand print tingles. He feels the urge to touch it.

Then he sees brilliant crystal blue eyes... blue eyes... not black. This thing doesn't feel evil. He shakes his head to stop the thoughts threatening his resolve. This thing left a mark on him and burned a woman's eyes out. It has destroyed buildings. He needs to shake this weird longing feeling and act like a Winchester.


	4. Chapter 4

Bobby and Dean raise their shotguns in unison and open fire as the demon walks towards them. Dean feels its piercing eyes intent on him. It keeps moving, round after round, it just keeps coming. No bullets left. Dean goes for the demon blade.

''Who are you?'' Dean asks in as strong a voice as he can manage.

''I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.''

That voice, those eyes, those words. He stares and his body starts moving him towards the thing. He catches himself.

''Yeah, thanks for that.''

He sees the thing smile but doesn't give it another thought stabbing the demon blade into its chest to the hilt. It's expression is confused as it looks down and slowly removes the blade like it was nothing but a splinter, dropping it to the floor.

' _Not a demon then_ ,' he thinks.

They both stare at each other for what seems like eternity, time stands still. Dean feels frozen to the spot but at the same time feels like he is falling into those ocean blue eyes.

Bobby comes up behind the thing with a pitch fork, breaking them from their moment. Dean hears some kind of chanting which seems like it's buzzing through his mind. The thing turns and casually catches the weapon, raising two fingers to Bobby's head who drops to the floor without a sound or any further movement. It turns back to Dean.

''We need to talk, Dean. Alone.''

That voice is really making it difficult for him to concentrate. He recovers enough to check on Bobby who seems to be sleeping. Dean cautiously stands up trying not to get caught up in those eyes again.

''Who are you?''

''Castiel.'' He says while trying to figure out what is going on.

Dean summoned him... to... kill him. That thought hurts. Dean looks scared. This isn't what he wanted. He needs to explain, get Dean to see he means no harm. He needs Dean to see how much he is affecting him... how much he needs him.

''Yeah, I figured that much. Tell me, what _are_ you?''

''I am an Angel of The Lord.''

Dean stares in disbelief and finds himself, against his better judgement, taking a step forward needing to be closer.

Castiel notices the movement causing his energy to uncontrollably buzz again with excitement. He so much wants to just close that small gap and reach out and touch him... touch that dark blond hair, run his fingers through it. He wonders how his stubble would feel under the pad of his thumb.

There is electricity sparking in the air again and Dean can't figure it out. For a start angels don't exist... do they? If they do... why did this one leave this mark on him? He said he raised him from hell. Why Dean? Why him?

As these thoughts consume him he realises he has been moving forward. The angel is staring intently at him. They are so close now, almost nose to nose. The hand print felt warm and the pooling warmth in his stomach reaches a whole new level. He leans forward...

' _What am I doing?_ ' he thought.

Castiel could feel the energy building between them as Dean moved in to his personal space. So close.

Dean was leaning forward, drawn to this angel... _his_ angel.

Castiel closed the short distance and pressed his lips to Dean's. Heat shot through him. He closed his eyes in an attempt to contain the feeling. So long he had waited for this, dreamed of this.

Dean didn't understand what made him accept the warmth of Cas' lips pressing against his. It just felt so right. His body sung and hummed its approval, it felt like coming home. All those weird feelings, mixed up since returning from hell, fell into place.

As quick as those perfect lips had touched his though they were gone. He blinked back the sudden burning behind his eyes. Everything became too overwhelming. The kiss and the loss of the contact all too much.

Castiel had to pull away. He felt his energy forcing its way out of him, threatening his control. This was all so new to him, being in a vessel, experiencing these feelings, being this close to Dean. One small kiss had his wings bursting free. He couldn't control the energy and they appear as huge dark shadows extending from his back.

He knew this was against the rules in so many ways, but showing his wings to a human... this was bad. His eyes were glowing bright blue as well. What must he look like?! He takes a look up at Dean and tilts his head to try and judge his reaction.

Dean takes a step back and stares in awe at the angel in front of him. Beautiful. Cas' wings are magnificent. He has the urge to run his fingers through those dark black shadowy feathers. The thought sends chills down his spine and the hand print throbs.

He takes another step back, his mind and body don't feel like his own. Dean feels vulnerable in a way he hasn't felt before. So he does what he knows best... he brings out the Dean Winchester bravado.

''Well, I'm not buying what you are selling so who are you really?'' Dean forces out, as if that earth shattering kiss never happened.

The wings disappear and he instantly feels regret. He sees the hurt on the angel's face.

''I told you.'' Castiel says, deflated.

Not wanting to see that look on Cas' face anymore he tries to explain, ''...and why would an angel rescue me from hell?''

''Good things do happen Dean.'' Cas steps forward, reducing the space between them that Dean had created.

''Not in my experience.'' Dean gets out in a whisper.

''What's the matter? You don't think you deserved to be saved?''

Dean sighs, ''Why'd you do it?''

Cas runs his tongue over his bottom lip and tilts his head to one side, ''because God commanded it... and I...''

Dean's focus is on that tongue and those lips and he stares for longer than he should. He realises Cas isn't finishing his sentence and looks up into his eyes.

Cas freezes in place and staring off into nothing he says, ''Dean I must go, but I wish to continue this conversation another time.''

Dean is about to reply when there is a flutter of wings and Cas is gone.

Son of a bitch.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean

Dean is sitting by a lake, his favourite place. Fishing rod in one hand and a cold beer in the other. He only gets to do things like this in his dreams.

He closes his eyes, tilts his head up to the sunny sky and takes a deep relaxing breath. He hears the flutter of wings... so it's going to be one of _those_ dreams. They don't usually happen by the lake but he isn't complaining. He started dreaming about the angel after that unbelievable kiss in that barn.

After a few moments of nothing he looks to the side to where Cas is standing and staring off into the lake. This isn't usually how these dreams go... he's usually balls deep in Cas by now. Dean's dreams became more and more heated, unable to get his angel out of his mind.

At first he was pissed that he had been left standing there in that barn like an idiot, then he tried to tell himself it was for the best. But this angel must have put some kind of weird mojo on him because he couldn't stop thinking about him and dreaming about him. He's sure Sam has begun to notice him zoning out more often when his thoughts wander and he remembers those perfect blue eyes.

There's also the fact that Cas is a guy... Dean likes women... right? Well, it didn't stop him having very erotic dreams about the angel which had him waking up drenched in sweat and hard as a rock, like a damn teenager. Not good when you have to share a motel room with your brother.

So why is Cas in his dream now, just standing there?

''Cas?''

''Dean.'' Cas' voice was even lower than usual, he liked Dean shortening his name. ''We need to talk, but it isn't safe here.''

''Huh? Isn't safe... here... this is my dream.''

''Yes, it was the only way I could contact you without... others finding out so easily. Please Dean, meet me here.''

Cas hands Dean a location scrawled on a piece of parchment.

Dean takes the paper and nods, a little confused.

''You aren't acting like dream Cas...''

Dean stands up and plants himself in front of Cas, peering into cool blue eyes.

''You're all like... real Cas...''

''Yes I am real... wait... dream Cas? You dream about me, Dean?''

'Well yeah, here you are.''

This is one messed up dream... with too much talking, he thinks... and Dean has had some weird ones. Of course Cas isn't real. Appearing out of nowhere after weeks and giving him some random location... sure. This is his dream and he wants it to start getting better.

He reaches out and runs the back of his hand down the side of Cas' cheek. Cas leans into the touch and looks directly into Dean's eyes. Now this is more like it, he thinks.

Castiel

Castiel was called back to heaven, an urgent message on angel radio, interrupting his meeting with Dean in the barn. He rushed back only to be faced with Gabriel and Balthazar. They both had serious expressions on their faces.

''Castiel, I thought we discussed this? We agreed, after the witch...'' Gabriel reminded him.

Castiel looked at him with pleading eyes, ''Gabriel, I couldn't... I needed to...''

''Brother, you are the best of us. You know this cannot carry on.''Balthazar implored.

''Please! You don't understand. Dean... he is... he makes me... something happened when I raised him from hell.'' Castiel tries to make them realise how he feels. He hangs his head. He knows this is wrong.

''You know what happened to Anna, our sister. Is he worth your Grace, Castiel? He is human and nothing more. You are a celestial being.'' Balthazar was trying any way he could to bring Castiel around.

''But... I love him.'' It came out as barely a whisper. He couldn't look at either of them.

Gabriel and Balthazar exchange a look. They both shrug their shoulders and look to Castiel who appears well and truly defeated. Well, couldn't say they didn't try...

Castiel's mind is running wild. He just said he loves Dean... out loud, in front of his brothers. This is bad.

'Oh Cassy-baby.'' Gabriel throws an arm around his shoulder.

''If you are going to do this you are going to need help. This is what you need to do. Tell Dean to meet you, but somewhere safe. I mean, practically every being from heaven to hell felt it when you two lovebirds smooched.''

''Gabe can sort out the where, you just need to get Dean the message.'' Balthazar said and slapped him on the arm.

Castiel was struggling to keep up. One minute this was forbidden and now they are offering to help him. He wasn't going to argue though.

So now here he is, standing in front of Dean in his dream, staring into beautiful green eyes. Dean's rough hand caressing his face. He feels light headed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just pure smut

Dean pulls Cas to him by the tie and smashes their mouths together. Dream Cas is usually more willing, but maybe his mind wants to change things up a bit. He's okay with that. Hard to get Cas is hot.

Cas is taken by surprise at the sudden change of pace, completely frozen to the spot as Dean kisses him. He should stop this, but his legs go weak and he starts kissing back, he can't help himself.

Dean nibbles at Cas' lower lip and runs his tongue along its plumpness, asking for access. Cas opens and their tongues meet and tangle together. This feels amazing.

Dean thinks this dream feels more real than ever before. His mind glazes over as he intertwines his tongue with Cas'. His hands begin to roam all over Cas' body, sliding beneath his trench coat and suit jacket.

Cas groans at the touch, but pulls back from the kiss to try and catch his breath.

''Dean...'' Cas breathes out, ''this... it isn't safe,'' he gets out between breaths.

Dean leans back in to continue the kiss, uncaring. Cas presses his hands firmly against Dean's chest and pushes lightly.

''Dean, please... stop. We can't, not here.''

Dean feels a jolt of pleasure shoot straight to his groin, the hand print beginning to throb. The more Cas protests the more it turns him on.

Dean wanted a wall to press Cas up against. He wanted to pin him in place and explore him properly. It was his damn dream so he focused and imagined. A wooden wall extended from the dock behind them.

With Cas' hands still pressed to his chest he pushes Cas up against the wall, hands coming up either side of his head, their bodies flush together. Cas lets out a moan as Dean moves his hips causing friction between their growing erections, he can't focus when his entire body is responding to Dean's pressed against him.

Any remaining coherent thoughts are gone when Dean lowers his head to kiss along his jaw and down his neck, kissing and nipping. He lets out another groan and his hips jerk forward, seeking more friction.

Dean smiles, a dirty smile. He looks Cas right in the eyes and lowers a hand to rub at Cas' hard length through his trousers. Cas cries out as Dean lowers his head once more to his neck. This time he devours him, wanting to leave his own mark on his angel.

Cas' mind splinters. The sensations making his wings unfurl from his back, between himself and the wall behind him. They stretch out to their full span, not mere shadows as they had been in the barn and it feels glorious to free them and flex them. He gets harder, straining inside his trousers against Dean's touch. He hears Dean's sharp intake of breath.

Dean freezes.

Cas whimpers at the loss of movement.

Dean is staring and reaches out, pauses and looks at Cas questioningly.

Cas nods.

Dean runs his hands through the dark plumage. It is softer than he imagined. Cas' breathing quickens which gives Dean the confidence to continue. He reaches up stroking along the top of one wing, running his hand along and down to where it meets Cas' back. Cas lets out a long, soft moan that makes Dean's cock twitch.

Dean continues to massages this part of his wing, tearing moan after moan from his angel. Cas' hips begin to move again, pressing his hard length into Dean's leg.

His own erection is straining painfully against the confines of his jeans so he reaches down, fiddles with the button and zip, freeing himself. He strokes himself slowly, once, twice, before reaching over to free Cas from his trousers too. He adjusts their position so he can take them both in his free hand.

Dean begins to stroke them both with one hand, slowly at first in time with his other hand on Cas' wing. He moans at the way his cock slides against Cas', he tightens his grip and pumps faster making Cas buck up into his hand.

The sight of his angel coming apart adds to Dean's pleasure, he doesn't remember ever feeling this turned on before and he doesn't know how much longer he can last with the noises coming out of Cas.

''Cas...'' is all Dean can manage.

He buries his face in Cas' neck again, biting and kissing.

Cas could feel his orgasm building, he has never felt anything like this. Dean's hand buried in his wing, stroking and rubbing, was enough to push him right to the edge especially with his other hand working at their erections.

''Dean... I think I'm going to... ah... Dean...''

''That's it Cas, let go. I've got you.''

At those words whispered in his ear Cas explodes, crying out Dean's name as his orgasm tears through him. His hard length pulsing and releasing all over Dean's hand and shirt, pulling Dean over the edge with him. Biting down on Cas' shoulder he thrusts into his hand through his own release.

They both cling to each other as their breathing begins to return to normal. Cas' wings fold and wrap around them, holding Dean to him. He never wants this moment to end.

Dean lifts his head and brings his lips to Cas'. The kiss is slow this time and filled with words unsaid.

Dean wakes up covered in sweat, sheets wrapped around him and an embarrassing wet patch between his legs.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The end of this chapter is the beginning of Cas' torture

Dean

''Look at that, so cute that monkeys wear clothes.''

Dean is standing in some kind of barn.

' _Another barn, great,_ ' he thinks.

In front of him is a well-dressed, huge, ugly looking guy. But something seems off about him... angel, Dean imagines. Then he realises...

''I'm dreaming, aren't I?''

''It’s the only way we could chat.''

''...and you are?''

''Uriel. I was sent on a mission to earth with Castiel, my superior, but it seems I am having to clean up his mess.'' Uriel said as if he had a nasty taste in his mouth.

''Ah, not normally off leash, huh? So where _is_ your boss?''

Dean's pulse quickens in anticipation of his answer. He hasn't seen Cas since the barn and that last dream he had, which was so vivid. He craves seeing him again in the flesh.

''Castiel?'' Uriel raises an eyebrow, ''Oh he's uh, he's not here. See he has this weakness. He likes you. He committed a serious crime.''

Dean can see the hatred in this angel's eyes, but this guy said Cas likes him. His stomach starts doing little somersaults at the thought. But what had Cas done that was so bad?

''What, thinking for himself?'' Dean remarks.

''Na, there's more.'' Uriel drawls stepping closer to Dean and laughs.

''You cut yourself a slice of angel food cake, didn't you, huh?'' He pauses to take in Dean's reaction, ''You did.'' Uriel continues to laugh.

What? Dean doesn't understand. He kissed Cas, well more like a peck, in that barn. Surely that hasn't got him in this much trouble. Unless... that last dream. It felt so real. Cas had tried to warn him to stop, kept talking about others finding out. Man, he had thought his mind just wanted something a bit more kinky. Dean tries to stall...

''What do you care? You're junkless down there, right? Like a Ken doll.''

Uriel chuckles and puts his hands up in mock defense, ''Well, it's your last chance. Give up Cas or...''

''...or what?'' Dean interrupts, feeling his anger rising, ''You gonna toss me back in the hole? You're bluffing.''

He doesn't understand why he is being threatened by this angel for doing what... having some dreams! He didn't even know the last one was actually Cas. It was really Cas! His heart clenches. Had he known he would have been more gentle, taken his time, shown Cas what he meant to him.

''Try me.'' Uriel takes another step forward.

They both stare at each other. Screw this, Dean thinks. He hasn't done anything wrong.

''What the hell, go ahead and do it.'' Dean raises his arms from his side, palms up, and waits for his punishment.

He is used to taking punishment after his stretch in hell and is pretty sure he can take a beating from an angel easy. He doubts anything compares to the twisted shit Alistair did to him, or had him do.

''You're just crazy enough to, aren't ya?''

''What can I say? I don't break easy.''

''Oh yes, you do. You've just got to know where to apply the right pressure.''

Uriel steps into Dean's personal space and stares into his eyes. The laughing has stopped, he looks deadly serious. He raises a hand and places two fingers on Dean's forehead.

Dean feels a splitting sensation in his brain, falling to his knees under the intensity of the feeling. His mind expands and he sees an image, like a movie being played in his head. Its Cas... oh God... Cas!

Castiel

Cas opens his eyes suddenly, trying to take in his surroundings. The last thing he remembers is being wrapped up with Dean in his dream, his wings pulling him close.

Now he is lying in a heap on a cold, hard floor. His body feels heavy, his limbs like lead weights when he tries to sit up. As he shifts he notices his ankles are in chains attached to the floor, the markings on them preventing him from escape.

''I wondered when you would wake, boy.'' A voice boomed from the shadows.

Cas' body shook involuntarily. He knows that voice, Kushiel. This must mean he is in hell, it's where Kushiel likes to take those who need to be disciplined. This angel is one of the eldest, one of seven angels of punishment. They call him the Rigid One of God who is never swayed from his purpose, doing all manner of awful and unthinkable things to souls in the name of God.

Cas tries to respond, but Kushiel raises a hand pushing Cas' unspoken words back into his mouth. He steps out of the shadows, a towering figure. Compact black wings extend as he glides forward. Black like Castiel's due to his visits to hell. They match his long hair which falls at his shoulders, framing a chiselled face with stern eyes.

Cas notices leather bindings starting at the angel's wrists travelling the length of his arms. His eye follows them up bringing his attention to large horns protruding from Kushiel's head, extending up and back into a fine point. Kushiel continues his movement towards Cas, his heavy boots making no sound as he moves.

''You know why you are here.'' Kushiel states and waves his hand giving permission for Cas to speak.

''Dean.'' Cas whispers.

At the mention of his name Kushiel produces a whip made of fire, Hellfury. Cas has heard only stories of this legendary weapon.

''You lay with this human as if he is worthy of such as thing. You think to break your word to God for a human.'' Kushiel's voice booms but remains menacingly calm.

He raises a hand, flicks, tearing Cas' trench coat and suit jacket from his shoulders. He is pulled to standing by his tie which also gets torn away. His shirt is wrenched open revealing red and purple marks on his neck left by Dean, a bite mark on his shoulder. Cas' eyes close at the memory those marks bring.

''I will remind you of your true purpose.''

At this Kushiel produces a binding jacket, forming around Cas' upper body effectively trapping his arms tight around him. His wings release, extend and stretch to a painful span. The jacket preventing Cas from pulling them into a more comfortable position.

Cas notices another presence, Dean. Oh please, no! They are making Dean watch.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: This chapter contains torture and someone being made to witness torture

Castiel

Cas' breath comes in short, shallow bursts as the pain from his over-extended wings shoots through him. His knees buckle and he falls, kneeling in front of Kushiel who raises his whip. Fire crackles and hisses as it unfurls behind him.

Cas tenses in anticipation of the first crack of the whip. The force of it has him falling back on his heels. The pain is like nothing he has felt before, the smell of burning feathers and flesh begins to permeate the air.

Each stroke of the whip has him jolting with pain and he instinctively tries to retract his wings but the jacket continues to hold them in place, stretched to their fullest, their span much larger than Kushiel's. He strains against the restrictive jacket, pushing his arms around inside with little effect. Cas swallows down a sob.

''There is no escaping, Castiel. You can struggle all you wish.'' Kushiel showed no sign of easing up.

Kushiel continued to favour the whip, aiming his attacks at Cas' wings. The sensitive primaries and secondaries taking the brunt of the attention. Cas felt the fire doing its damage but refused to make a sound. He knew Dean was being made to watch and he would not make this any worse for him by crying out in pain.

Finally the whip disappeared. Kushiel approached Cas, placing his hand under the jaw of his bowed head, wrenching it up so their gazes locked. Ice blue met solid black.

''They told me you would break and submit easily, Castiel.''

Kushiel's eyes seemed to glow as he struck Cas across the face with the back of his hand. Cas felt the blow deep in his bones. Then came a second and third, splitting his lip, he could taste blood in his mouth. All he could do was stare up at his captor and take each blow as it was given.

''But you are strong Castiel. Stronger than they know.''

With this the binding jacket was gone, replaced by chains wrapping tightly around Cas' wrists matching the ones at his ankles. They pulled taught raising him into a standing position before he could slump to the ground, stretching his arms wide.

Cas' wings fell limply, finally retracting slowly and painfully at his back. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to focus on how it felt when Dean ran his hands through his feathers, massaging and pushing his fingers deep into the plumage.

Cas' memories are pushed away when Kushiel runs a razor sharp claw over his chest, piercing the skin in several places causing blood to trickle from the wounds. His Grace shone beneath the surface of each deep cut.

Kushiel took his time, slowly covering Cas' upper body. Small but deep cuts scattered his torso. Cas lost track of time. His eyes flew open as the talon then pressed a deep gash over the spot where Cas' heart beat, pounding out a frantic rhythm within his vessel.

''It reeks of your human. This must be fixed.'' Kushiel begins pushing his fingers deeper into Cas' chest, excruciatingly slowly.

Cas barely holds back a scream, his eyes begin to water, sweat beading all over his body. The pushing continues past his chest cavity until strong fingers wrap around Cas' heart. Kushiel squeezes causing Cas' vision to blur.

Dean

Dean had tears streaming down his face. Cas' beautiful wings. Seeing that whip made of fire sear and burn with every slash was enough to have him pulling in gulps of air, barely able to breath. This was so much worse than his time in hell. He could understand this from a demon like Alistair... but from an angel.

Dean could feel every bit of Cas' pain as if it was his own and he wasn't sure how much more he could take, but Cas took each strike without so much as a sound.

He heard the angel’s voice then, deep and booming, making his ears ring.

When the whip disappeared Dean felt relief wash over him, but it was only short lived. He saw the angel approach Cas and grip his jaw. He raised his huge hand and brought it down on Cas' beautiful face. Dean felt each blow, felt the pain as if the fist was connecting with his own face.

Then the strange jacket holding Cas was released only for Cas to be chained at the wrists.

''No more, please!'' Dean calls out, in his mind... out loud... he wasn't sure. The angel showed no signs of hearing his plea, instead he began clawing at Cas' body. He felt every slash of those claws and expected to see blood dripping from his own chest.

When those sharp talons pressed deeper Dean thought he was going to throw up. His vision blurred when the hand clenched around his... no... Cas' heart. How was Cas staying so strong? He couldn't breathe. Another tight squeeze.

He blacked out.

Castiel

Cas felt the instant Dean was no longer with him and he let out a strangled scream. He wasn't sure if it was because of the loss or because of the fist gripping and tearing at his heart.

''You are an Angel of The Lord, Castiel.'' Kushiel's commanding voice gives Cas something to focus on.

''You serve heaven. You do not serve man. You do not serve... _Dean_.'' Kushiel spits out the name.

The torture continues. Sometimes Kushiel stops and Cas loses sight of him, then he is back ripping and tearing at another part of his body.

Kushiel on occasion paid particular attention to the markings Dean had left on him. He ran his thick fingers over each mark, almost as if fascinated by them at first. It was a welcome relief from the constant agonizing pain.

The bite Dean had left on his shoulder seemed to bother or intrigue him most. Kushiel slowly lowered his head to Cas' shoulder, replacing Dean's teeth marks with his own. Only this didn't feel anything like Dean's mouth had.

Kushiel bites down hard, tearing at Cas' flesh. He pulls away with a lump of Cas' shoulder in his mouth, the gaping hole leaking blood and Grace. The angel spits the flesh to the ground and stares intently into Cas' wet, blue eyes.

But he would always return to gripping and squeezing his heart. All the while repeating, telling Cas, ''You are an Angel of The Lord... you serve heaven... you... do not serve man... you... I... do not serve Dean... I am an Angel of the Lord... I serve heaven... I do not serve Dean...''


	9. Chapter 9

Dean

''Seriously Dean, what has gotten into you? You've had a face like a slapped arse for weeks.'' Sam whined, but Dean could hear the concern hidden there.

Dean hadn't been able to contact Cas since Uriel had visited him in that dream. At first he tried to believe it had all just been some horrible nightmare. But since then he hasn't even been able to dream about Cas at all, like something was blocking those thoughts from him.

''It's complicated.'' Was all Dean could manage.

''You haven't been right since you and Bobby summoned that angel... you know that one you said called himself Castiel? Then there was that thing a few weeks ago which had you waking up screaming in the middle of the night....''

There was no hiding the concern now. Sam was giving him that look which meant he was expecting a conversation... involving feelings.

Dean sighed and got comfortable. How the hell does he even begin to explain any of this. Most of it has literally been in his head. Dean's hand rubs at the hand print subconsciously, it gives him a small amount of comfort, some form of proof that this all actually happened.

''Okay Sam, so Cas... Castiel... it turns out he isn't a bad guy... erm... angel.'' He isn't doing so well here. How far does he go, how much does he tell Sam?

''Cas?'' Sam raises an eyebrow.

''Yeah man, shut up, Castiel doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. So Cas, he didn't mean to hurt that witch or break all that stuff. He was just trying to... uh... make contact with me.'' Dean paused to check Sam was still with him.

''Okay so the _good_ angel burnt out her eyes... right got it.'' Sarcasm didn't suit Sam, but he still felt angry over that poor woman's fate.

''So all of that was because he wanted a nice little chat... with you?''

''Look Sammy, I don't know how to say this, to explain any of this to you.''

Sam let out a puff of breath and shook his head, ''Sorry Dean, go ahead. I'm listening.''

Another sigh and a deep breath. Dean decides he needs to get this off his chest. Maybe Sam could even help somehow, he is the one with the brains after all. He leaned forward in his chair placing his elbows on his knees.

''Something happened when I was raised from hell. This hand print on my arm, left there by Cas... it... uh...'' Dean scrubs a hand down his face and leans back.

''I started getting these feelings. When I first saw Cas in that barn it was like something in me recognised him.'' He braved a glance at Sam.

There was no more sarcasm. Sam looked serious, if a little concerned by what he was hearing.

''Dean, why didn't you tell me sooner? Sorry, you're telling me now... carry on.'' He waves his hand for Dean to continue.

''Even though I felt this pull towards Cas I tried my hardest to kill him. We both did. Bobby ended up knocked out then it was just me and _him_. I'd never felt anything like it Sam. I... I really felt drawn to him. To a guy Sammy! Fuck...'' Dean hides behind his hands as he says,''...we kissed.''

Sam didn't look surprised in the slightest, just concerned still, which helped Dean continue.

''Then I started having these dreams... but one of them, it turned out Cas was really there. He wanted me to meet him... we uh... I thought it was a dream... and we ended up...'' Dean blushes at the memory.

''Okay, so things got heated pretty quick.''

''Yeah, so I go to meet him and nothing. He isn't there. So it must have been a dream, I thought. Then I get this real ugly angel come to me in another dream. He works this weird mojo on me and I see Cas and there's some huge, terrifying angel who was... he had this whip and... Cas was... he was so brave.''

Dean's voice broke and when he lifted a hand to his face he felt wetness there.

Sam's eyes were looking pretty glisteny too so Dean just carried on. He had started the ball rolling so he was going to finish.

''I felt it all, every crack of the whip, every slice into his flesh. I felt it all and I blacked out. That's when I woke up screaming. I bailed on him Sammy and now I haven't heard from him in weeks, not even in my dreams. It's like there is some kind of block stopping me from even dreaming about him. I don’t know what to do!''

Saying it all out loud made him feel frantic. He _needed_ to see Cas. He could be dead for all he knows.

''Dean...'' Sam sounded torn apart, his voice raw. ''That's awful, but I feel like I'm missing something, why was Cas being tortured?''

''Maybe for whatever it was he wanted to tell me, the reason he wanted to meet me. Maybe angels aren't allowed to... uh... you know.... with humans. The ugly angel, Uriel, he warned me to stay away. To give Cas up.'' Dean shook his head.

''Its not like anything really happened, we got hot and heavy in a dream... I hate to think what would have happened if we had... well... you get the idea.'' Dean is rambling and now he has started he just can't stop, ''What do I do Sam? I'm going crazy over here.''

''This isn't just us against demons anymore is it?'' Sam stated with a sigh. ''Cas is an angel right? So pray to him. Pray to him until he answers or until someone else does. I'll try and do some research... find out who this Uriel is and who that big guy who tortured Cas is. Maybe that will give us something to go on.''

Dean felt better knowing he had Sam working on this now too.

''Sam... thanks man. My head is so screwed up right now. It's kinda freaking me out how much... how much I need, I just...'' Dean stumbled over his words, not even knowing what he really wanted to say but feeling a need to say it.

''Don't worry, I get it. I had Jess remember.'' Sam gave him a sad smile.

Dean got up, went over to Sam and put a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't do feelings. He pats him on the shoulder a few times then walks into the bedroom.

Dean sits on the edge of his bed and looks up at the ceiling. Does he put his hands together? How does he start? He takes a deep breath.

''Cas, can you hear me? I'm praying here and I hope you can hear me. I... uh... I need to know you are okay man. Cas... I need you.''


	10. Chapter 10

''I'm praying okay, come on, please.''

Dean let out a sigh and propped himself up at the head of his bed. He raised his eyes looking up to the ceiling as if he could make it disappear and see all the way to heaven. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine Cas up there.

Dean had been praying every night and opportunity he had since his talk with Sam, but he got nothing, and it was starting to take it's toll.

''Prayer is a sign of faith, this is a good thing Dean.''

Dean didn't even know what that meant but the voice speaking those words felt like liquid silk coursing through his veins. Cas! He sat at the end of Dean's bed, slightly turned towards him.

It was dark but the moon lit the room well enough through the cheap motel curtains. Enough for Dean to make out the dark smudge across Cas' eye and the blood stain on his lip.

Dean moved forward without thinking, cupping Cas' face, stroking a thumb along his jaw. Tracing his lower lip to try and soothe the cut there.

''Cas...''

''Dean.''

Cas closed his eyes at the touch, he felt frozen in place. Being this close to Dean again after so long felt wonderful.

Then a terrible shooting pain shot through his head making him pull out of Dean's grasp. He can't let anything happen to Dean. What if next time it's Dean they choose to punish for Castiel's weakness? That's why he came here, to say goodbye.

''I... I saw what they did to you Cas.'' Dean's hand fell to his side.

''I couldn't stay with you, I'm sorry.'' It came out in a whisper. ''You didn't... why didn't you answer my prayers?'' Dean tried to keep the hurt and tremble from his voice.

It scares him how strongly he feels for this angel he doesn't even know much about.

''I learnt my lesson while I was away, Dean. My supervisors have begun to question my sympathies.'' Cas kept his voice even.

''Your sympathies?'' Dean felt a jolt of worry run through him at the way this conversation was going, at the way Cas suddenly felt so far away.

''Yes. I was getting too close to my charges, to you. I began to express emotions.''

Dean stared into distant blue eyes. ''Cas... What were you going to tell me? That night you came to me in my dream.''

Dean couldn't stop the blush from creeping up his neck at the memory.

''You asked me to meet you.''

Cas couldn't bare this feeling in his chest. It felt worse than when the angel Kushiel had it in his vice-like grip. But the words came tumbling out as if on autopilot, they had become so ingrained in him. For weeks he had been tortured and made to repeat these words.

''I serve heaven, I do not serve man, and I certainly don't serve you.'' As he said it he felt tears welling up so he made sure to turn his gaze away.

Dean felt those words like a punch to the stomach.

''Please Cas, don't do this.''

Dean isn't the begging type, but he can't stand this feeling. It feels like the end and it had only just begun.

''We have been through much together, you and I, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry it ended like this.'' Cas realises this must be what a broken heart feels like.

''Sorry?'' Dean feels the urge to punch the angel in the face. ''Ended?'' He needs to punch something or he thinks he might cry and he has been doing way too much of that lately.

''It is for the best, Dean.'' Cas says quietly.

Cas, against his better judgement, finds himself leaning forwards closing the gap between them. He can't seem to stop himself, his actions opposing his words, he presses his lips to Dean's and lets out a groan he can't contain.

Dean's head is a mess, but all he can focus on are those perfect lips. He closes his eyes to savour the moment, then he hears the flutter of wings.

Dean is left staring into darkness and dammit he is crying again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: more torture

Castiel

''Castiel you have learnt nothing!'' Kushiel boomed angrily.

Cas found himself torn from Dean's lips and instead practically nose to nose with Kushiel. He can feel the angel's breath coming in short, angry bursts. He shoves his hands forward sending Cas flying into the far wall, pushing the air from him.

Why is he broken? He went to say goodbye to Dean, but he just couldn't leave. There is relief though, knowing that it is him back here and not Dean.

Dean

''Dean... Dean...'' Sam moves over to Dean's side and places a hand on his shoulder tentatively.

''Sammy...''

''Dean you're... what's going on, what's wrong?''

''...he was here. He answered me. He's gone.'' Dean couldn't stop the tears falling.

''He was here?! I was lying in the bed next to you...I didn't even...''

''He answered my prayers... he just didn't do what I wanted him to do. Why am I feeling like this? I've had bad break ups before... and I'm not even sure we had anything to break up.''

Dean was so confused at how much this hurt.

''What's happening to me?''

Castiel

Cas picks himself up from the floor only for Kushiel to raise his hand and send him flying again. As he drags himself up this time he feels blood trickle from his nose. When he finds his balance the chains he became very familiar with appear at his ankles.

His trench coat is ripped away, along with the other clothing on his upper body. The torn flesh on his shoulder is still raw. He knew what was coming next... the binding jacket. His body tenses in anticipation of what is to come.

''You need reminding of your place, boy.''

Dean

''Dammit Sammy I'm not going to lay here and cry like a girl, he doesn't want me, it's over.'' Dean drags a sleeve across his face.

''Dean...'' Sam begins, his eyes soft, but instead he says, ''I've found some info on those angel douchebags.''

Sam changes the subject to an area they are used to; research, the job.

''Show me.'' Dean gives Sam a thankful look then pulls on some jeans and follows him to where his laptop and lots of scattered papers sit.

Castiel

Cas took each punishment with no sound; the whip, those razor sharp claws, teeth, that fist tearing into his chest.

He realised that Kushiel couldn't make him feel anything close to the kind of pain he felt when he told Dean that it was over. He would take this because he deserves it for hurting the one thing he truly cared about.

He doesn't want to fight it anymore. They can punish him all they want. He knows now where his heart truly lies.

Whatever happened when he raised Dean from hell is stronger than he is.

Dean

Sam had been working hard while he had been moping around and praying all hours of the day and night.

He isn't doing this for Cas, he keeps telling himself. He is doing this so he can figure out a way to stop angels like Uriel showing up, uninvited in his dreams again. Then he can start to put all of this behind him. Dean's heart ached at that thought and he mentally kicked himself.

Whatever happened when Cas raised him from hell is not stronger than he is, he tells himself.

Castiel

''You serve heaven, you do not serve man, you certainly do not serve Dean Winchester.'' Kushiel spits.

This time it isn't sinking in. Cas glances up to stare at the angel bent on torture. Is this what angels have come to? Is this what God created angels to do... to punish and hate? No, this isn't what God would wish for His celestial beings.

''You enjoy this.'' Cas ventured.

''I take no pleasure in correcting broken angels, Castiel.''

''I'm not broken.'' Cas breathes out.

His face feels swollen and bloody, his wings are in so much pain from the whip, barely healed from the previous attack.

''Insolent...''

''I am not broken!'' Cas interrupts looking directly into Kushiel's eyes.

Everything goes black.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: even more torture... but its the last of it I promise!

Dean

''Please tell me you found something to keep those winged dicks out of my head.'' Dean says as Sam gets comfortable at the table, looking right at home in front of all the research piled up.

''Well, I've found out a little about that Uriel guy and the one that tortured Cas.''

''Okay start with the one in my dream.''

''Uriel is an archangel.'' Sam glanced up to see a blank expression on Dean's face.

''They are high ranking angels and it seems the one they call Michael is their, uh, leader I guess you could say. They are all kinds of righteous and powerful. You certainly dont want to mess with them that's for sure.''

Dean shoots Sam a look and says, ''Yeah bit late for that, thanks. Tell me about the big guy.''

''Oh right yeah, sorry.'' Sam shrugs and carries on.

''The big guy is a whole other story. Just reading about him sent shivers down my spine. They call him Kushiel and he is one of the oldest angels, one of seven created to punish souls in the name of God.''

''Kushiel huh? He looked ancient, had these horns coming out of his head and this long black hair.'' Dean motions with his hands and shudders at the memory.

''Unlike the other six he takes them to hell, apparently that's why his wings aren't white, all those trips to hell have turned them black.''

''Cas' wings are black...''

Dean's heart sinks, he feels awful. Where Cas' wings white before? It seems Cas has sacrificed a lot for him and he doesn't understand why.

''Dean... it's not your fault... any of this.''

Dean swallows down a lump forming in his throat, ''So the big guy was created to torture, doesn't sound very angelic to me. I'm not sure I want to hear any more about him. I've already seen what he can do.''

''Okay, there's more.''

''Do I even want to know?''

''Well, Cas seems to have a few angel friends... those he appears to consider real brothers. One is an archangel named Gabriel who went into hiding from heaven and the other is Balthazar who also doesn't seem too keen on heaven. They might be the ones to ask... you know... about how to stop the others getting inside your head. If Cas trusts them...''

''...No more angels,'' Dean interrupts, ''We can figure this out without them.''

Dean needs to find a way to move on and asking angels for anything, especially help, doesn't sound like a good idea to him.

Castiel

Kushiel extends his hand, gripping Cas tightly around the neck. He stares into Cas' defiant eyes, tightening his grip and moving his other hand to Cas' forehead. He sends Cas into a deep sleep, making him fall like a lead weight to the floor.

He would take no more insolence, especially from the likes of Castiel. He is dirty and contaminated with humanity, he can smell it all over him.

He was furious at being disobeyed, no one goes against his word or his will. Castiel does not deserve his celestial status or access to heaven. Kushiel strips Cas of his remaining clothes and begins binding his hands and feet with rope.

Kushiel cut his own palm with a claw and began making marks on the floor by Cas' head. Once the symbol was complete he pushed his hand to it. Light rushed up from the pattern made of blood and surrounded Cas.

''Castiel, I banish you from heaven!'

When Kushiel raises his hand Cas is gone.


	13. Chapter 13

Castiel

Cas feels a cold floor beneath him as he comes back to consciousness. He tries to move but realises his wrists and ankles are bound together. He feels a cold breeze, he is naked and struggling to regulate his temperature like he once could. He swallows down the feeling of panic and tries to focus.

He attempts to open his eyes but it's just too much effort. Failing that he expands his senses to get a bearing on where he is... it doesn't feel like hell... or heaven... earth then, an alleyway. At that small amount of energy use he feels the blackness taking hold again. He doesn't even have the energy to conceal his wings from sight.

He needs help, and not wanting to drag Dean into this, with his last coherent thought he calls for Gabriel and Balthazar, hoping they will find him.

Gabriel instinctively knew the instant Castiel was released from Kushiel's punishment. When he was held in hell by the angel, Cas' Grace was untraceable. He kept his senses spread for any signs of his release knowing he would likely need help after this round in hell.

He heard Cas call for him and Balthazar moments later.

They both materialise in an alleyway and rush to Cas' side. His wings are outstretched in an awkward way and he is naked apart from the rope around his wrists and ankles. Gabriel throws up a shield to hide them from human eyes and starts to untie him. He is covered in cuts and bruises from head to toe.

Balthazar looks to Gabriel with a concerned expression. Cas hasn't stirred at the contact and looks to be in pretty bad shape. Balthazar places a hand over a particularly nasty looking cut to heal it, but the torn flesh remains the same. They both try but can't heal him.

''Gabe, what do we do?''

''We need Dean.''

''I really don't think that's a good idea...''

''He is the only one we can trust enough for this to work.'' Gabriel said as he finished untying Cas.

''It has to be a human and they have to be willing without coercion. We don't have time to persuade another.'' He continued.

Gabriel pulled Cas to him so his head was resting on his lap.

''Okay. You work at shielding us otherwise _we_ could end up like Cas, or worse. I'll go to Dean.''

Balthazar took one last look at Cas then took to the air.

Dean

''Are you kidding me?'' Dean said as he stared at yet another angel invading his dreams.

''I can't do this anymore.''

He has just started to get his head sorted out, began to understand that an angel wouldn't want him. How could Cas want him? He is a human and not a very good one at that. So he started hunting again with Sam. He may have been drinking a little more lately too but who could blame him.

''Don’t worry I'm not after... that.'' Balthazar looked Dean up and down with a smirk, ''I think you have me confused with the other angel, you know, the one in the trench coat who is in love with you?''

Dean just stared in disbelief. This isn't what he expected, he thought he would be faced with another ultimatum, another Uriel. Yet this one seems far too relaxed and is wearing a tight black t-shirt, jeans and a leather jacket. Not the usual pristine suit. Also he said Cas was in love with him...

''...in love... with me?''

''Uh... yeah. You have got to be all kinds of stupid not to see it, to feel it.''

''Feel it?''

''We all knew the moment you kissed in that barn and I'm sure heaven almost shook apart when you guys went at it in that dream of yours. I don't think Castiel knew what hit him. This is all new to him you know.'' Balthazar wiggles his eyebrows.

''Uh, what?''

''Which part my dear?'' Balthazar was having way too much fun.

''Who is 'we' and how the hell did you all know, for a start?''

''It’s an angel thing. We know when our brothers and sisters are in pain or... not in pain, shall we say.''

''Okay so that's not creepy at all.''

Dean doesn't know whether to be pissed or embarrassed. He settles for a bit of both.

''What do you mean this is all new to him?'' Dean asks.

''Well, you really are stupid. Castiel is an angel and has never before swayed this far from his path. I mean he has often gone against the grain, much to the higher-ups disapproval, but this! No, he has never fallen in love and especially not with a human.''

''I don’t understand. He said it was over.''

''Do I need to speak slower to get this through to your thick monkey brain.'' Balthazar just didn't get why Cas chose this one to fall for.

''Even though we tried to persuade him otherwise, Cas wanted to meet with you to tell you how he felt...''

''...to tell me he loved me.'' Dean's head was spinning.

Balthazar nods, ''Castiel was instead tortured by one of the angels of punishment because of what you and he did, yet he still answered your prayers and boy did we try to keep him away. But no, he had to go to you, had to take it too far again. Then straight back to the chains he went. He didn't leave you Dean, he was forced back to hell.''

''Cas is being tortured again?! Why didn't you say something sooner, instead of all this crap?''

Dean started feeling frantic. He needed to get Cas out of there. He needs to wake up.

''Well it’s actually a little worse than that...'' Balthazar holds up his finger and thumb with a tiny gap in between.

''He is with Gabriel at the moment. We can't wake him and by the looks of him he is hurt pretty bad. We can't heal him because the wounds are a punishment from God. We need your help Dean.''

''Take me to him! You should have told me this first! I'll do anything.''

Dean recognised the name Gabriel which means, if Sam was right, this guy is Balthazar. If Cas trusts these two and considers them brothers then he will trust them too, for Cas.

Balthazar reaches out with two fingers and presses them to Dean's head.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean

Dean never wants to see two angel fingers coming towards him ever again. It takes him a moment to stop the world from spinning and to get his bearings. He is in an alleyway and looks up to see his angel lying naked in someone's arms. Something in him flares underneath the surface at the sight. He should be the one holding Cas.

Dean pushes past Balthazar and falls to his knees at Cas' side. It takes everything he has not to wrench Cas from the arms of the other man, instead he just stares at the mass of bruises and cuts. His hands begin to move towards him but he catches himself and looks up at the man holding Cas.

''Tell me what to do.'' Dean sounded broken and he didn't even care to hide it.

''This ain't gonna be fun, kiddo.'' Gabriel stared at Dean for so long Dean started to feel uncomfortable.

Balthazar stepped forward next to Dean and lowered a hand to his shoulder, ''you need to be sure.''

''Just tell me what I need to do!'' Dean was getting annoyed at how cryptic these angels were being. 

''Okay, don’t get your panties in a twist, Deano.'' Gabriel needed to know he was ready for this.

Dean was starting to dislike this one already. He took a deep breath to stop himself from saying something he would regret.

To give himself some relief he brought the back of his hand up to Cas' cheek. He felt cold under his touch, but everything else instantly fell away until it felt like just him and his angel.

''Cas... I'm... Cas, I need you.''

''Dean...'' Cas' voice sounded so far away.

Gabriel and Balthazar shared a stunned look. Cas hadn't stirred at all since they found him. This could work.

Castiel

Cas felt the instant Dean was close so he put all of his energy into maintaining consciousness. Gabriel and Balthazar were there, why did they bring Dean? He didn't want Dean to get dragged into this. He tried to open his eyes but it was too much effort.

Dean touched his face then which sent a jolt through him. It made it easier to stay awake, aware of what was around him, but unable to move.

''Dean...'' His voice sounded alien to his own ears.

Dean

''Cas! Cas... I'm here. We are going to help you.'' Dean looked to Gabriel. ''We _can_ help him, right?''

Gabriel nodded his head but looked solemn. ''Dean, this isn't going to be easy. We cannot heal Castiel and the only other way is...'' Gabriel paused trying to consider his wording, ''...for him to touch a pure soul.''

''Touch a pure soul...'' Dean's confusion was plain to see. Did they mean his soul? Is his soul even pure?

''Cas will have to reach inside you to touch your soul. This is a very painful process. You have to remain very still.'' Balthazar began to explain.

''I'll do it.''

Dean didn't need time to think about it. If it could save Cas he would do anything.

''Now the hard part is getting Cas to do it. He appears drained of his life source, his Grace isn't giving off much energy at all.'' Balthazar continued.

''Cas, can you hear me? I'm here.'' Dean was trying to take in what they were saying but his attention kept drifting back to Cas.

Castiel

Cas could hear the conversation going on just out of his reach. He knew what they planned and he didn't like the idea. This would cause Dean much pain, but he craved the feel of that brilliant soul. The thought alone gave him strength.

Dean was speaking to him, asking if he could be heard. Cas focused and nodded his head slowly. The effort was immeasurable. Kushiel really did a number on him.

Dean

''He nodded! You saw that, right?''

Dean couldn't hide his feelings. All his effort was being taken up with not breaking down right then and there at the sight of Cas.

''Castiel, Cassy-baby, listen close. I'm going to lift your hand to Dean's chest and you are going to reach in...'' Gabriel looked up into Dean's eyes.

Dean nodded.

''You need to heal yourself and this is the only way. We can't heal you Cas, Kushiel made sure of that, but I don't think he considered that a human would do this for you.'' Balthazar said as he knelt by Dean.

''Cas, are you getting this? I don't know what I'm doing but I'll do it for you. Cas?'' Dean took one of Cas' hands in both of his and squeezed.


	15. Chapter 15

Cas felt Dean grip his hand between his. If Dean thought he could do this then so did he. Then he felt Gabriel take his other hand and place it at Dean's chest right above his heart. He could feel its strong beat and it soothed him, the pain streaming through his body eased.

As Gabriel took Cas' hand in his he didn't take his eyes from Dean. He knew what he was asking of this human but he didn't think Dean knew the magnitude of the situation. He pressed the limp hand against Dean's chest and held it there. It felt like a dead weight that would fall away if he let it go.

Dean stared into Gabriel's eyes trying to fathom what was about to happen to him. Once he felt the press of Cas' hand to his chest he knew he was doing the right thing. He can do this, for Cas. Balthazar moved from his side to kneel behind him, gripping Dean's shoulders.

''Cas, you're up man. Do whatever it is you need to do. I'm ready.''

Dean tried to sound as confident as he could because he sure didn't feel it. He thought he felt the hand move.

Cas focused on the little energy he had left and pushed it towards his hand pressed against that strong, warm chest. The power of it burnt through the material of Dean's shirt until he felt skin under his palm, which gave way to muscle and then bone. He extended his fingers with great effort. He just needed to reach a little further...

Dean let out a cry of pain as the hand at his chest burnt through his clothes and skin. He was vaguely aware of Balthazar holding him up and Gabriel saying something to him. The pain was like nothing he had felt before and that's saying something considering his time in hell. It just kept coming, wave after wave of the most intense pain.

Cas heard the scream torn from Dean but had to push it to one side. He had started this and would finish it, he had to conserve his energy so as not to harm Dean. As he made his way through flesh and bone he felt it then, the warmth of that soul radiating towards his outstretched fingers. This gave him an extra push until he was mere millimetres from its touch.

Dean was breathing in short ragged gasps. He wasn't sure he could take much more. His chest had a freakin' hand in it! His vision began to blur around the edges. He tried to focus on the strong hands holding him up. He felt himself slump against Balthazar and didn't even have the strength to feel embarrassed. 

''Almost there, Dean. Hold out for us.'' He vaguely heard Gabriel say.

Cas closed that small gap, the soul seemed to recognise his touch. It became warmer and shone so brightly. Then it started moving into Cas' hand, up his arm and into his body. The warmth travelled throughout him. He felt wrapped up in Dean, his smell, his touch, his love. He felt Dean's love... for him.

Dean felt the instant Cas touched his soul, pain instantly gave way to pleasure. His eyes shot open as he let out a different kind of cry, one he sincerely wished he could take back given his current company. His body sought out Cas' and he found himself moving into Cas' touch. Balthazar made sure to hold him still.

Gabriel and Balthazar exchanged a look of confusion and concern at Dean's noises. After crying out Dean started making strange whimpering noises. Gabriel hadn't known anything like this before. This usually causes nothing but pain.

Cas felt Dean's heat, Dean's body responding, his soul seeking out each and every cut and bruise to heal it. Cas felt his energy levels increasing with each stroke and caress of Dean's soul. How can this feel so good? Is it supposed to feel this way? He had heard stories of pain and agony, but not this. This felt like a joining.

Dean could feel his very essence stretching out to heal Cas of his many wounds. It felt wonderful, like what being home must feel like. He didn't want this to end, but he began to feel weak. His body slumping back into Balthazar even more.

''Cas, withdraw your hand.'' Gabriel said firmly as he noticed Dean beginning to fade.

Cas could hear Gabriel as his strength began to return, but he didn't want to let this feeling go. He was finally where he wanted to be, with Dean.

''Castiel! Release him!'' Gabriel commanded.

Dean recognised then the power an archangel holds, feeling the command rush through him to Cas. Dean didn't want this to end though, he wanted to be like this with Cas forever. It didn't matter that he felt himself slipping away.

Cas felt the command and heard Gabriel say quietly in his ear, ''...you are killing him.''

That snapped him out of this strange feeling. He will not harm Dean, so he slowly began withdrawing his hand. The loss he feels when his fingers lose contact with Dean's soul is just as intense as the feeling of being joined with it. As he pulls past bone, muscle and skin he heals the wound.

''Dean...'' Cas gets out and opens his eyes and sees Balthazar clutching a very pale looking Dean.

Dean sees Cas open his eyes just as his own begin to close, the loss of that feeling too much for him. His body feels heavy and he just needs to sleep for a little while...


	16. Chapter 16

Castiel

Cas sits up slowly, trying to contain a very strange feeling within him at seeing Balthazar holding Dean like he was. Dean's shirt was torn from his touch, revealing a lightly tanned and muscled chest. The sight of Dean's skin sends a shiver down his spine. He needs to control himself and get his bearings.

''Cas, how do you feel?'' Gabriel asked.

Gabriel gradually let him go once he was sure he could hold his own weight. He was looking concerned at Cas' current expression.

''I've been better, but I'm able to function.'' Cas' voice was gravelly and he was still staring intently at Balthazar.

''Cas?'' Balthazar said, not sure what he was asking but not liking the way Cas was looking at him.

''Balthazar... Gabriel... thank you for your assistance, but I think I need to be alone... with Dean.'' Cas got out between gritted teeth.

What was wrong with him? These are his most trusted brothers, yet he needed Dean to not be practically curled up in Balthazar's lap. Cas managed to pull himself into a kneeling position and lifted Dean to him, sitting back on his heels, pulling Dean close.

''Okay Cas,'' Balthazar held his hands up in defence, ''Do you have somewhere to go? You can't stay in this alleyway.''

''Sam, take me to Sam.'' Cas said.

If he could get Dean back to where he was staying with Sam he could look after him there.

Gabriel and Balthazar exchanged another look, but both stood and placed their hands on Cas' shoulders. They took him and Dean to the motel Dean had been asleep in moments earlier. They dropped them just outside the door.

''Call us if you need anything. Keep your head down, don't do anything stupid, Cas.'' Gabriel sounded serious which brought Cas back to reality, having Dean in his arms also helped.

''Thank you brothers, truly, thank you. You saved me. I have been... banished from heaven so I will pray if I need you.''

''We will hear you, brother.'' Balthazar said before taking to the sky, shortly followed by Gabriel after he looked into Cas' eyes. He didn't need words to convey how he felt.

Dean

Dean felt his vision blur, he was slipping in and out of consciousness. Was Cas okay? Did it work? He felt himself being moved from one body to being wrapped up in the warmth of another. He could smell Cas, feel his strong arms holding him close. Cas is okay, he can relax.

In his semiconscious state he felt a strange pulling sensation then realises he is back at the motel. He is back on his temporary bed. A small jolt of panic runs through him. Was that another messed up dream? Where is Cas?

Just as his brain starts to whirl he feels a warm cloth pressed to his head and a strong hand take his. Cas.

Castiel

Cas knocked on the motel room door loudly in case Sam was asleep, it was late after all. Sam must have been awake because the door swung open within seconds.

''What the hell? Dean!'' Sam rushed to Dean as Cas brought him through the door. ''Who the hell are you and what the hell happened to my brother?''

''Sam...'' Where did he start?

''How do you know... wait... you're...'' Sam just stared, realisation sinking in, ''Castiel.''

''Yes. I wish we could have met under better circumstances, but right now I need to take care of Dean. I will explain everything later.''

Cas moved over to the bed and gently laid Dean down, feeling the loss instantly as he let go and stood up.

''Jeez man, you're naked!'' Sam quickly went to his case and threw him a shirt, some sweatpants and boxers. 

Cas had remembered to conceal his wings but hadn't considered clothing in the rush to get Dean comfortable.

''I'm sorry, I've had a... uh... a rough night. Thank you.'' Cas accepted the clothes and quickly dressed.

''So tell me... what's going on?''

''Dean... he saved my life.'' Cas said as he pressed a cloth to Dean's head and took his hand in his own.

Dean

Dean could hear parts of a conversation, Cas and Sam, talking about what had happened. It sounded strange and so right at the same time hearing his brother and Cas talking. As he drifted in and out of consciousness he took comfort in knowing the two people he cared most about were both here, safe and well. Blackness followed shortly after that thought.

The next time he came to he felt warmth pressed against his back. Dean was laying on his side and Cas was pressed into him. The covers were over them both, he wonders how long he has been out. He keeps his breathing even, not wanting to disturb the sleeping angel behind him. Do angels even sleep? He wondered.

He wanted this to last. As soon as he woke fully, all of this will change and Cas will leave again, so he snuggled back against the solid, warm body behind him.

Castiel

Cas, for the first time, felt exhausted. His conversation with Sam had been good. Sam was very accepting of their... situation. Sam allowed him to stay, even to stay with Dean at his side.

He took the sweatpants off and slid into bed behind Dean, pulling him in close. It was all worth it for this feeling. He will make sure Dean gets better then they can work this out.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the end and what better way to end than with more smut!

Dean woke and had no idea how long he had been out, the covers had been pushed down to his hips. It was still dark, but he felt rested, less drained. That reassuring warmth was still pressed against his back which helped steady him. He wondered if he could just stay like this, in bed with Cas, he felt safe.

He wasn't used to being the weak one though. He had always been the one who looked after Sammy and his Dad when he had got himself in a mess with drink or fights, usually both. But he wanted just for once to be cared for, it still didn't stop it from feeling wrong though.

Dean pushed those thoughts away and concentrated on the heat of Cas, who had felt so cold that night in the alley when he had touched his cheek. At the memory of the alleyway he felt a jolt of pleasure run through him. When Cas had touched him, touched his soul, he had felt complete and it had been out of this world.

He let out a moan when he remembered the noises he had been making in front of Cas' brothers. His cheeks began to flush, heat spreading its way up his neck. It didn't help that he was getting hard just thinking about the way he had felt.

''Dean?'' Cas' voice sounded strained.

Cas knew the moment Dean regained consciousness but he waited, waited for Dean to say something. He didn't know how Dean would react. The last thing he expected was Dean to moan like that. He suddenly regretted taking off his sweatpants as he felt his growing erection begin to strain against his boxers and press into Dean's lower back.

Dean felt less embarrassed when he felt Cas' hardening length pressed into him.

''Cas... you're really here?'' Dean couldn't believe this wasn't a dream or some pain induced hallucination.

''I am here Dean, thanks to you. No one has ever done anything like that for me before.''

Cas wanted to tell Dean how much he meant to him, how thankful he was, but his mind kept wandering to the feeling between his legs. He still wasn't used to such human feelings.

''I couldn't let anything happen to you Cas, especially not because of me.'' Dean scooted further back against Cas, seeking out more heat and that wonderful hardness.

''Dean...''

''...Cas I need you to know... my dream, I didn't know it was really you.''

Cas held his breath, what did Dean mean by that? Does he regret what they had shared?

''If I had known...'' Dean reached behind him and found Cas' hand, pulling his arm around him, holding him close, ''... I would have made it so much better for you. Not like it was, so rushed, so...''

''...perfect.'' Cas interrupted, ''It was... you were perfect, Dean.''

An angel thought he was perfect, Dean felt himself grinning like an idiot. He arched back, rubbing himself against Cas' erection unashamedly. It made Cas groan low in his throat, which spurred Dean on, he started grinding his hips back and pulling Cas closer to him. Dean stopped suddenly, Sam!

''Cas, Sammy...''

''...is asleep, a deep sleep from his breathing pattern. We don't have to do this Dean, being able to lay here with you is enough.''

''Cas I... need you... to feel you... inside me.''

Dean whispered so quietly he wondered if Cas could even hear him at all. He couldn't believe what he was saying... and out loud. But he _needed_ this, needed to feel that connection again.

Cas froze at Dean's words, his cock pulsed and jumped against the curve of Dean's lower back. He felt impossibly hard which made it difficult to focus. He didn't know how to do this and make it feel good for Dean. He knew the mechanics of it but actually doing it...

''Dean, what if I hurt you? I'm... I've not...''

''Please Cas, we can do this together. I'll show you.'' Dean pleaded and couldn't bring himself to care about how desperate he sounded.

Dean was grateful for all the porn he had watched... and that particularly kinky girl that one time. He had enough of an idea of how to make this work and boy did he want this.

Cas felt light headed, ''...and you feel up to this? You should be resting.''

''Cas.''

Dean rolled his eyes and heaved out a sigh. He gripped the hand he had pulled to him and moved it down pressing it between his legs, showing Cas how much he felt up to this.

Cas moaned into Dean's ear. ''Okay Dean, show me,'' he said as he breathed out.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this one to round it all up... this one though... is more smut!

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try and calm his suddenly growing nerves. He wanted this more than anything and that scared him, but Dean Winchester doesn't get scared, yet here he was. He is good at this, has had plenty of practice at making people feel good. This though, it felt different, this mattered.

Without further thought he drew Cas' hand up and sucked two fingers into his mouth. He felt Cas' hips jerk forward and heard him let out a moan low in his throat. That small sound sent butterflies fluttering in his stomach. If this was the reaction he got to sucking on Cas' fingers he couldn't wait to get Cas inside him. He wanted to make his angel fall apart.

Cas could feel Dean's tongue sliding over his fingers, so warm and wet. It was making him feel things he never imagined possible, there were certainly benefits to human emotion. He started moving his hips, pressing himself closer, trying to get some friction.

Dean gave one last suck then pulled Cas' fingers from his mouth with an obscene noise. He yanked on his boxers, prompting Cas to help him out of them, then guided those fingers back behind him and pressed them flush against his entrance. Dean's virgin hole twitched at the unaccustomed attention.

Cas' heart raced as his hand was manoeuvred between their bodies. Dean's hand brushed against Cas' sensitive erection leaving him wanting. He pressed one slick finger against Dean's hole, it was so tight. How was _he_ possibly going to fit inside? He continued to press until his finger broke through that tight ring of muscle.

''Cas...''

Dean breathed out as he tried to adjust to the sensation. Seeking out more of that feeling he pushed back against Cas' finger, taking him all the way in.

Cas couldn't believe how glorious Dean felt. He started to move his finger in a circular motion, wanting to feel more of Dean, wanting to memorize every inch of him.

Dean's breath caught in his throat, a mixture of pain and pleasure humming inside him. The hand print on his arm seemed to mimic the feelings Cas' finger was creating inside him. Still, he wanted more. 

''Cas, please...''

Dean hoped Cas knew what he was pleading for because dammit he would beg if he had to, he wanted this so much.

Cas slowly inserted a second finger, this one sliding in a little easier to join the other.

''Ahhh... Cas.''

''Dean... am I hurting you?''

Dean could have laughed if he didn't have two amazingly long and talented fingers dancing around inside him, doing crazy things.

''No Cas... no... just don't... don't stop.''

Cas moved with enthusiasm then, scissoring his fingers to stretch Dean open. He pushed his fingers deeper which tore a long moan from Dean. He carried on massaging that spot which had Dean writhing around against him, pushing back onto his fingers.

Dean didn't realise it could feel this good, his cock felt impossibly hard and if Cas carried on pressing into that one spot he wasn't sure how much longer he would last.

''Cas... wait.''

''Dean...'' Cas instantly stilled his fingers, a look of concern on his face.

''No...'' Dean turned his head back and brought his mouth down on Cas', harder than he intended.

Cas deepened the kiss, tangling his tongue with Dean's, then started moving his fingers again causing them both to groan into each other's mouths.

''Cas, please...'' Dean broke away from the kiss reluctantly, ''I need you inside me, now.''

Dean didn't think he had ever wanted something so much or felt so desperate. He reached back and tore Cas' fingers from inside him, regretting not taking more care. Cas was still wearing his boxers, Dean pushed at the waist band until Cas pulled them off.

As soon as they were out of the way Dean wrapped a hand around his hardness and gave it a little squeeze, before lining it up at his entrance. Cas felt a bit on the large side... his nerves started to return.

''Spit.'' Dean practically whimpered.

''Dean?'' Cas' brain was barely functioning with the feel of Dean gripping him so tightly.

''We need lube...''

''Oh... of course, I didn't think.''

Cas summoned a small bottle to him. He has been banished from heaven and is about to sin pretty epically so he didn't care about abusing what little power he had left. He squeezed out the cool liquid onto his hot erection, the sensation making him shiver.

Dean stroked Cas' length, spreading the lube, before lining him back up. He pressed just the glistening tip to his impossibly tight hole and eased back, slowly opening himself up.

''Relax for me Dean.'' Cas purred.

Dean hadn't realised he had been tensing. He felt Cas inching forward causing a burning sensation which slowly began to give way to pleasure as he relaxed. He kept still while Cas moved further and further into him, filling him up. He started to feel utterly complete.

Once Dean relaxed Cas moved his hips forward and as the head of his pulsing erection pushed past that tight entrance it felt like Dean was pulling him in. Cas held his breath, hoping to keep some kind of control as he moved forward. Only when he was completely sheathed did he let out his breath.

Dean's eyes watered at how full and stretched he felt, but he slowly began to adjust to the feeling, thankful that Cas kept still.

''Dean... you feel... you are perfect.'' Cas leaned in and whispered into Dean's ear between breaths. He felt wrecked already. 

''... move.''

Cas began to rock his hips, settling into an agonizingly slow pace. He slid a hand under Dean and gripped his upper arm, covering the mark he had left there before.

The amazing sensation of feeling Cas move inside him was intensified by that touch. He reached back to grip Cas' hip, urging him to move faster, pushing back into each thrust.

''I love you like this Dean, so needy.''

Cas changed the angle slightly and moved into Dean faster, harder, hitting that spot over and over.

A sound alien to his own ears escaped Dean's throat at the change of pace. Cas clasped his free hand over Dean's mouth as he noticed Sam stir due to the desperate sounds coming from him.

Dean murmured and babbled from under the hand pressed to his lips, pleasure consuming him. His cock was leaking all over the sheets, it felt harder than he thought possible. He brought his hand to it for some relief.

''No, Dean,'' Cas stilled his hips to emphasise his point, ''you are going to come apart for me untouched.''

Dean groaned beneath the hand still firmly clamped down over his mouth. He removed his hand and placed it back on Cas' hip, urging him to carry on. When Cas didn't budge he nodded frantically so Cas would start moving again. He needed Cas to move again.

Satisfied, Cas began a slow rhythm of long, hard thrusts. He wasn't sure he would last much longer with the way Dean was pushing back into him. His energy was building and it was becoming difficult to contain. He felt the need for his wings to release, but he couldn't let them free in this small motel room. Sam would wake. The build in energy had the lights in the street flickering.

Cas grit his teeth as his climax neared, trying to contain what was building inside him.

''Olani hoath ol, Dean.'' Cas breathed out.

Dean wondered what that meant but his thoughts stopped in their tracks when Cas leaned forward and started kissing his neck. The hand print, the kisses, the hand over his mouth, the thrusts getting harder and harder always into that spot inside him were enough to drive him over the edge. He felt like he was shattering into a million pieces. He cried out and came hard, his cock jumping and pulsing untouched with each release.

Cas' mind went blank, everything centred on his groin. Dean's orgasm made him incredibly tight which triggered his own climax. His hips stilled as he released deep inside Dean. He couldn't hold back, his energy expanded taking out all of the lights in and around the motel.

''Cas... that was... I've never... I didn't think I could come like that.'' Dean was struggling to form sentences.

''Cas... did you blow the lights?''

''Yes, it seemed better than bashing Sam over the head with my wings.'' Cas said as he placed a kiss on the back of Dean's head.

''I love your wings.'' It came out before Dean really knew what he was saying, still feeling ridiculously happy in the afterglow of his orgasm.

Cas slowly pulled out of Dean, making them both whimper at the lost connection, and gathered him close.

''Rest Dean, I'll fix the lights in the morning,'' Cas said and pulled the covers back up over them both.

Dean felt wonderfully content for the first time in a long time. He wanted to ask what Cas had said in that strange language but felt his eyelids closing. Before he could ask he drifted into a deep sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, that last chapter!

''Er, guys... what happened to the lights?''

Dean sat at the table with Cas perched on the edge of the bed. Dean glanced over to Cas and suddenly felt very embarrassed. Redness crept up his neck, he looked away unable to hold Cas' gaze. He was getting flashbacks of how desperate he had been. He has never been that needy with anyone before, he was always the one in control, and it made him feel uncomfortable now it wasn't just him and Cas.

Sam noticed the strange look that passed between them, realisation sinking in.

''Is that going to happen every time you two get it on?'' Sam raised an eyebrow in jest. ''If so, I'm going to need a flashlight in future... and come to think of it, a separate room.''

Dean just wanted to be swallowed up. He was _not_ having this conversation with his brother.

''Sam, if I could have just let my wings free the lights would have been fine. I didn't realise how much energy would build in me when...''

''Cas!'' Dean shot him a look. ''Sorry Sammy... it won't happen again.''

''It won't?'' Cas sounded incredibly sad and hurt.

''Cas... no, not like that.'' Dean was making this worse.

''Dean, it's fine,'' Sam's smile reached his eyes, ''I've not seen you this happy in a long time. I'm just teasing, which I'm entitled to do as your little brother. I'm going to have a shower... I'd be grateful if you don't destroy the hot water too while I'm gone.'' He laughed as he walked into the bathroom.

''Cas...''

Dean got up and walked over to Cas who was staring at the floor, looking dejected. Dean placed a hand under his chin and tilted his head up so he would look at him.

''Cas, I'm not good with words man,'' Dean sighed, ''Of course I want to do that again, I just meant not with Sam laying in the bed next to us. I would never usually do that with Sam in the room... you just...''

''Dean?'' Cas asked when Dean didn't continue.

''You do things to me. When I first saw you in that barn I knew I wanted you. But it was more than that, you know? My entire body and mind felt drawn to you. I have to admit it's damn scary, Cas. I've never felt like this before. When I'm around you it's all you, nothing else matters.''

''Dean...'' Cas' heart swelled, but he felt nervous, ''I need to explain...''

''Explain?''

''When I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition... I was weak. Your soul was like nothing I'd ever seen before, I felt drawn to it. I was an Angel of the Lord Dean and your soul made me _feel._ I should never have done it, but I reached out and touched it. I knew how wrong that was and I'm sorry.'' Cas was looking down at the floor again.

''So you touched my soul... what's the big deal? You did it the other night too and it saved you, right?''

''Dean the hand print, it burns for me doesn't it?''

Dean nodded slowly.

''By touching your soul I've somehow bound us together. My wings have never reacted before the way they do to you. I had to... _needed_ to see you. I did some terrible things just to hear your voice or catch a glimpse of you.'' Cas felt tears welling up at the memory of that poor woman and her eyes.

''You bound us together?''

Cas looked up to try and judge Dean's reaction. ''Yes, but I didn't know that would happen. I also don't regret that it happened... Dean?''

Dean tried to get his head around that. It certainly explained the way he was drawn to Cas, but he didn't have to like it so much. He is a Winchester, he could have fought it.

''So I'm bound to you... but it doesn't explain why I like that idea so much.'' Dean sat down beside Cas and wiped his tears away with his thumb. ''I mean, you're a guy... I've never had these feelings for a man before. Bonded or not I could have put up a fight.'' Dean let out a breath when he saw Cas' confused expression.

''I'm trying to say that it's you, Cas. I want _you,_ with or without the weird bond thing.''

''Olani hoath ol.'' Cas stared into Dean's perfect green eyes and felt like he was falling.

''You said that before when...'' Dean felt himself blush. He's never blushed so much before in his life. ''What does it mean?''

''Its Enochian, the language of angels. It means... I love you.'' Cas held his breath.

Dean's eyes went wide. He felt utterly complete hearing those words and the hand print hummed its approval. This bond thing freaked him out but it felt so good. He liked feeling a part of something, connected and complete.

''I've never felt like this before, Cas. It’s kinda... well it scares the hell out of me.''

Cas brought a hand up to Dean's face, ''Dean I've never felt _anything_ like this before either. You are showing me many new things and making me _feel..._ '' Cas closed his eyes, a look of ecstasy on his face.

Dean couldn't resist that look. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Cas', who opened willingly. The kiss was slow, he felt desire building in him. He brought both hands to the back of Cas' head, threading his fingers in his hair, to hold him in place while he explored every inch of that mouth. He was sure he felt actual electricity spark between them.

Cas felt like a puddle on the floor. He promised Sam he wouldn't destroy anything else so he let his wings unfurl to allow the building energy a release.

''Uhem...'' Sam coughed.

Dean and Cas flew apart like teenagers caught in the act. Dean _felt_ like a teenager too, he couldn't control himself around Cas. He had literally just told Sam he wouldn't do that to him again and, to be honest, if he had left it any longer he could have walked in on something a lot more compromising. 

''Sammy, we need to get you a separate room...''

Sam laughed and when he could tear his gaze away from Cas' wings he asked, ''Take it Cas is staying then?''

Dean looked into Cas' ocean blue eyes and said, ''Yeah, Cas is staying.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading my first attempt at writing and yohlenyaoilover for being my beta. It makes me very happy that people have left kudos :) thank you, thank you
> 
> I've learnt a lot from this one and hope that my next story will be better (with longer chapters). 
> 
> I am currently working on a TWD Rickyl fic... so watch this space :)


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